Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
