I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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