I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
