I'm lost and stupid without you.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
