and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
