My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
