dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
