So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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