I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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