guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
