Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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