singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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