He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
