i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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