Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize