I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
