Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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