If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
