It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
