She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
