Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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