I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude i'm inner monologue high
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
