Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
