bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
