he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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