it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
