I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
