people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
