one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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