When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
