Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
