two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
