So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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