I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Boobs speak an international language.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
