Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
