She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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