When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
