Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
