8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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