I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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