She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
