I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
