Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
