did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
