I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
