I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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