guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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