I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
