dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
