I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
