So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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