when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
