Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
