I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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