I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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