Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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