I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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