Just fell off a train. Bad.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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