i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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