fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
