The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize