maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
