I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
