this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
