I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize