ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
