I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
