Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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