yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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