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Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize