Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
