I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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