Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
