she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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